You met an amazing new guy who might be "the one", you went out with him, had a great time, met again and fell madly in love with him.
However, the moment you started to feel "safe" and things became stable, he out of a sudden withdrew. From one moment to the next he became unavailable, found excuses not to see you or even worse, stopped contacting you at all. You were totally shocked and disappointed. What on earth had happened ?
The answer is: Nothing. Yes, you understand correctly.
What you have to know about guys is that they - in contrast to us - have what I call an "automated withdraw-mechanism", that gets triggered whenever he experiences sudden intense emotional closeness to a woman. Even if he enjoys being together with you as much as you do, his masculine instincts tell him there is danger and he has to defend his freedom. Consequently, he starts pulling away.
So how should you react when that happens ?
Most important: Relax ! Do not panic !!
You have to know that what happens here is not personal at all. This is not about you. What happens here is that the poor guy is just trying to keep his freedom, which he senses is in danger of being permanently lost. (because he starts to really like you, which is not bad at all, is it?)
But, ladies, things are not as bad as you think. The important thing in this situation is to stay cool! Do not panic and start chasing him! Do not try to regain control by doing things for him. Why? Because it will come across as neediness or desperation. And guys hate that, especially when the relationship is still fresh.
So what are you to do? Nothing. I know, this takes real self-control and is extremely difficult to do, especially when your heart is burning and your hormones are on overdrive...
So try to chill. Distract yourself. Go to the movies. Read a good book. Chat with your girl-friends on the phone. Go shopping. Whatever, the important thing is to stay calm and not to run after him.
This has several big advantages :
1, You keep your dignity.
2, You have the chance to take care of other areas of your life that have been neglected in the meantime.
3, His respect and admiration for you will increase. He does not perceive you as a needy, clingy person he ought to take care of. Who wants that anyway? You are an independent, confident woman that has her own life. You can survive happily, with or without him.
4, You give him the space he needs and the chance to "hunt you down". (Guys love that, whether they admit it or not)
If you apply all of the above, something amazing will happen: As soon as he realizes that you are not there to run after him and "hunt him down", he will want to chase you.
Why is that? Because human nature is just like that: We always want what we cannot have. Anything served to us on a golden plate means lack of challenge and is consequently perceived as undesirable.
Experts call the conscious application of this simple truth "reverse" psychology.
Therefore, ladies, don't start questioning yourselves. Just be cool, stay busy and everything will work out fine.
by Christina Zottnick